AF supposed to come on Tuesday, I had brown spotting all way from Tuesday to Friday, got my first BFP on Wednesday and a bit stronger ones on Tuesday and Friday. Bleeding started on Friday afternoon with horrible cramps, tested Sunday again, very very faint line again, got my hcg on Monday, it was zero.
The doctor was like, are you sure you were pregnant? I said I am, because I checked with so many tests, so many times.
I bled for around 7 days. I have an appointment with another doctor today talking about what the hell is happening to me. I asked the doctor I went to on Monday about that, he said no one knows. he said it's probably bad luck and it probably wont happen again. I said I dont want statistics, "probably" doesn't work for me, I don't want to put myself in the same situation again for you to be proven to, that some thing should be cured. I want the cure right now. he said, I understand, but I cant do much. I asked for progesterone level check and he said, that I can do ( like I have to teach them their jobs, pfff) So I am going to another one ( actually this one is my doctor, but his schedule is always tight and doesn't have urgent appointments ) .
I researched, I am apparently fertile ( got pregnant 2 times in last 3 months) but I have a problem with keeping the baby, or implanting in other words, and that is most likely a hormonal problem.
Either my progesterone level is low, or my luteal phase is short (12 days) which is a syndrome called luteal phase defect (LPD) which doesn't allow the fertile egg to implant correctly.
The cure for both LPD and law progesterone level ( which cause narrow uterus lining ) is progesterone, and also vitamin B6. I am going to insist to the doctor to prescribe me both, or test progesterone right after ovulation at least. If that didn't work, or that wasn't the problem, it's either bad luck, or something seriously wrong. I really cant believe I am going through this. I always thought I am a healthy person. Never in a million years thought that my body would betray me.
I dont know what to think or what to do. Am I sad? yes, but I'm doing ok. I don't cry, or being depressed. Am I in denial? maybe, I am more in shock. sometimes I think maybe I wasn't pregnant at all ( cause you know, no doctor ever confirmed this one, cuz I didn't wanna go to one ) sometimes I think maybe I am still pregnant and the hcg zero was a lab mistake. So yes, I am in denial in someway. Am I angry? Yes I am , and scared. very very scared.
But frankly, I am very happy that it didn't last as long as last time, so I can start TTC again. it's a stupid thing to say maybe, "happy" is a wrong word, but I mean when it's not supposed to be viable, I prefer to get my period asap and get zero hcg asap so I can TTC again. and yes, I am not going to wait one cycle this time.
I hope DH will cooperate with me, I can see that he is a total mess as well. I can see that he is very very tired, frustrated and feels helpless. So it all can lead to not being very eager to try this month. I hope not, I hope he comes to his mind. We are both lost, we don't know what to do or what to think, it's a frustrating situation. you have mixed feelings, you don't wanna make a big deal out of it, but it is a big deal for you anyways.
I will update after my appointment today again. I hope he can see some lights at the end of the tunnel. I can't. or I want to be able to, but I don't know. I just want to start trying again. that's all I wanna do.
I bled for around 7 days. I have an appointment with another doctor today talking about what the hell is happening to me. I asked the doctor I went to on Monday about that, he said no one knows. he said it's probably bad luck and it probably wont happen again. I said I dont want statistics, "probably" doesn't work for me, I don't want to put myself in the same situation again for you to be proven to, that some thing should be cured. I want the cure right now. he said, I understand, but I cant do much. I asked for progesterone level check and he said, that I can do ( like I have to teach them their jobs, pfff) So I am going to another one ( actually this one is my doctor, but his schedule is always tight and doesn't have urgent appointments ) .
I researched, I am apparently fertile ( got pregnant 2 times in last 3 months) but I have a problem with keeping the baby, or implanting in other words, and that is most likely a hormonal problem.
Either my progesterone level is low, or my luteal phase is short (12 days) which is a syndrome called luteal phase defect (LPD) which doesn't allow the fertile egg to implant correctly.
The cure for both LPD and law progesterone level ( which cause narrow uterus lining ) is progesterone, and also vitamin B6. I am going to insist to the doctor to prescribe me both, or test progesterone right after ovulation at least. If that didn't work, or that wasn't the problem, it's either bad luck, or something seriously wrong. I really cant believe I am going through this. I always thought I am a healthy person. Never in a million years thought that my body would betray me.
I dont know what to think or what to do. Am I sad? yes, but I'm doing ok. I don't cry, or being depressed. Am I in denial? maybe, I am more in shock. sometimes I think maybe I wasn't pregnant at all ( cause you know, no doctor ever confirmed this one, cuz I didn't wanna go to one ) sometimes I think maybe I am still pregnant and the hcg zero was a lab mistake. So yes, I am in denial in someway. Am I angry? Yes I am , and scared. very very scared.
But frankly, I am very happy that it didn't last as long as last time, so I can start TTC again. it's a stupid thing to say maybe, "happy" is a wrong word, but I mean when it's not supposed to be viable, I prefer to get my period asap and get zero hcg asap so I can TTC again. and yes, I am not going to wait one cycle this time.
I hope DH will cooperate with me, I can see that he is a total mess as well. I can see that he is very very tired, frustrated and feels helpless. So it all can lead to not being very eager to try this month. I hope not, I hope he comes to his mind. We are both lost, we don't know what to do or what to think, it's a frustrating situation. you have mixed feelings, you don't wanna make a big deal out of it, but it is a big deal for you anyways.
I will update after my appointment today again. I hope he can see some lights at the end of the tunnel. I can't. or I want to be able to, but I don't know. I just want to start trying again. that's all I wanna do.
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