9DPO

I Ovulated on Valentines day. A valentine baby sounds super cute, right? I actually ovulated by surprise. I wasn't expecting to ovulate for another 4-5 days. cause in my calculation I ovulated CD12, I usually ovulate CD16-17 ( which is not so good, and makes my luteal phase short). anyway, That was actually good news, although it took me by surprise but that meant no stress for BDing(and yet it's covered the fertile window), no obsession with OPK ( I even didnt have any at home, I just knew because I had a horrible ovulation pain ) I tested with OPK the same day and got a very dark line, I kept testing for another 7 days and the line faded away. I also did the progesterone test yesterday on CD21 ( that's another story, was it really CD21? should I count the spotting days as day1 or only full flow?  ) or 8DPO (of that I am sure now) and the result came back surprisingly good. super high actually which confirms ovulation ( a strong one) and the fact that my body produces good amount of progesterone. I am kinda relax now. I was in so much stress. they took a hCG as well which was negative. but I want to just assume that it was early and I still have time. So fingers and toes crossed for a BFP very soon .

Tww nonsense

Although I don't see lots of chances this month, I'am a total wreck. I really don't know why. My mind is playing nasty games with me for sure, I am in a worst PMSing kind of mood you can ever imagine. and I get a 2ww brain again. That's a term I made up (here) when I was pregnant 3 years ago and man it's an accurate term describing my feelings. Today is only 5DPO and I have to wait at least till 9DPO for testing. Last time with my CP , it was never positive until 13DPO though, but that cycle doesn't count.
This time, its not waiting that makes it hard, its the whole daily life. its preparing the kid for daycare in the morning, dealing with work stuffs, dealing with all the feelings and things that happen every day, PLUS keeping TTC on the corner of your mind, try to eat healthy and try to plan wisely. Not being able to plan the near futures, like traveling and company dinners (that's totally an extra chapter ) is also making it even harder.
I don't wanna mention having the fear to be obliged to continue living like this for the unknown amount of time. Fear of failure, fear of disappointment and fear of not getting the result you want. I know people can advise me not to think about it all and live my life until it happens, and it happens healthy, and it happens happily, but thats just easy in theory. practically its always on the corner of your mind. until it resolves. No matter how much you try not to think about the elephant in the room.
BTW, can you try not to think about a giant elephant in the room , right now? come on, go on and NOT to think about it.
There, now you understand.

Wait and see

Today is 1 or 2 DPO. I don't know which because my OPK was positive 2 days ago, and I had ovulation pain the same day, late at night tho. Our BD schedules wasn't perfect either. we BDed 3 days prior and on the Ovulation day or the day after. I am not sure which, I don't do temping this time. So we may have missed the egg. well well, its how it is. I can only wait and see.
A lot is going on now in the world, I don't know how to feel. I look at the news and think about adding a little person to this crazy world. On the other hand, She/he may change the world, right? or she/he might not. but if she/he does, that's something. right?

I dont wanna obsess myself with symptoms and overthinking about 2 weeks wait this time. I don't have time for that either, with a 2.5 years old running around being potty trained :D So I will just wait until 9 or 10DPO and test.

The stressful/fun part of the cycle is over, and now only the stressful part remains ;)  I think I'm 1DPO, still waiting for FF to confirm it, because my temping was weird this month. Last month my chart was like a standard sample chart some websites use to describe how things work. But this month it was a bit crazy.
So my 2ww started today ( or yesterday, maybe) . Something tells me that I shouldn't get my hopes up for this cycle. Everything was so unsure from the beginning. I'll see in about 12-14 days.