We went to a friend's house on saturday, and although I had a good excuse for not drinking (:driving), I had a glass of cola-rum. So caffein and alcohol! and that wasn't just it, I also had couple of smoked salmon sandwiches.
I couldn't help it. Not because I am so in love with smoked salmon (which I'm really not) or I really wanted to drink, cause I didn't. But only because I was kind of angry at the TTC process, I was like: great, now that it will take forever, it means every other 2 weeks, I have to pretend that I'm pregnant and bam! the AF.
So it really seems like that I'm punishing myself, which is not a good thing, but I think I'm learning, I'm learning that I'm moodier than ever, and I have to listen to it, and to my body. besides I have to really be relax and live my life and not holding everything for this.

The stressful/fun part of the cycle is over, and now only the stressful part remains ;)  I think I'm 1DPO, still waiting for FF to confirm it, because my temping was weird this month. Last month my chart was like a standard sample chart some websites use to describe how things work. But this month it was a bit crazy.
So my 2ww started today ( or yesterday, maybe) . Something tells me that I shouldn't get my hopes up for this cycle. Everything was so unsure from the beginning. I'll see in about 12-14 days.

Keep calm poster

When I made the phrase : "keep calm and try next month" up in the last post, I googled it to see if it actually exists, and it wasn't !
So I made the poster in the keep calmomatic website.
Something to cheer us up, all of us who are in the same boat of TTCing.

Click here or this to see the poster :)

keep calm, try next month

Everything is getting too stressful, I try hard not be like this, but even trying hard not having stress, gives me stress!
I am trying to have an internal discussions with myself, with the subject: "keep calm, try next month".

I'm out

Ok, I'm officially out this cycle, the AF came today.
This morning I checked my temp and it was dropped a lot. So I was waiting for the AF with disappointment, and it came in the afternoon. I don't know which one hurts more, the cramps or the disappointment, but it hurts.

Then I decided to find some bright side in this, so I tried to make a list of things that I can do in the next 2 weeks I have to the next O. The first thing came to my mind was I don't have to deal with the problem of drinking in our company's dinner next week. I really didn't want to tell my bosses and colleagues that I'm pg, but didn't know what kind of excuse should I have for not drinking. Now I don't have the problem anymore.
The next problem was that my annual breast check-up is in 10 days, and it wouldn't be that easy if I was pg. So I can have a proper check-up and get ready for the next month. besides, I can eat better and exercise more.

So, go september!

Although probability sucks, but the bottom line is you should be hopeful.

Yesterday, Cy ( the-father-to-be of the peanut-to-be) tried so hard to explain the probability of getting pregnant to me. but it seems like I will never understand it. He said that if you say in best case that there is only 25-30% chance of conceive in each cycle, the chance increases when you try that 10 times (10 cycles) for example. so you have the better chance trying for 10-12 months than 1-2 months. mmm, what? I know if everything is fine, then it will happen eventually, and you have to try till you get your BFP, but the probability increases? really?
He even gave me the example of flipping a coin , it's 50-50 to get head or tail if you flip only once, but if you flip it 500 times, then the probability of getting a tail is not 50 anymore, it's much higher.
mmmm, what again? God I even hated probabilities in school. I never understood them and I never will and still I call myself an engineer, shame on me. Why this has to be so hard?
Anyway, what he meant was it's true that your chance of getting pg is not that high when you start, but by more attempts the chance is getting higher and be hopeful. Although I don't get the logic, but I can accept that from him (after I yelled at him tho) , that I should be hopeful after all.

P.S : 11DPO, I feel nauseated a bit. That's new. I had a decaf coffee with milk and couple of cashews in the morning and salad for lunch. it shouldn't be something I ate right? Actually I hope not!

I wake up everyday saying to myself: "OK, I'm sure I'm not pregnant" , then I change my mind during the day. The first thing which makes me think I'm not pg, is the BBT. For those who have no clue about the BBT : the Basal Body Temperature is your body temp exactly the time you wake up in the morning from at least 3-4 hours sleep. you shouldn't drink, eat, stand up or cuddle before you measure your temp.
People usually take their BBT daily and save it in a chart to figure out their ovulation day. If you chart your BBT, you'll see a clear rise of temp the day after ovulation. that day would be the 1DPO.
The point of continuing with BBT after O is that it will sink again exactly before the AF. So if it doesn't, that means you are pregnant.
I also checked lots of charts on fertility friend website. so many pregnant charts had another rise in their temp at the end of the cycle, instead of going down for AF, they went up. but  there were also some charts end up with pregnancy that they didn't have much rise, just stayed high.

So every morning I wake up hoping to get a higher temp, but I don't, and that disappoints me. And since I don't "feel" pregnant I definitely decide that I'm not.

I also have a mix feeling that this shouldn't be like this. and I shouldn't be that obsess with the process, and it will happen at it's time. I was just never patient in my whole life.

I know I use the terms and abbreviations which is fairly common in pregnancy forums and blogs, so here is a list of pregnancy related abbreviations for those who are new in this:

0 - 9
2WW (aka. TWW) - Two Week Wait - Luteal Phase - 14 days after ovulation 

A
AF - Aunt Flo, menstruation, period 
AI - Artificial Insemination 
AKA - Also Known As 

B
BBT - Basal Body Temperature 

Last cycle I had a lots of symptoms, I had cramps all the time, tender breast, vivid dreams, etc. and of course it was a BFN. This cycle I don't have much symptom, I had pain in my right lower abdomen, but that can be anything. So it seems like you can not trust the symptoms at all. The only way to be sure is wait until AF comes ( or hopefully doesn't) .

I'll put my BBT chart here soon. 

P.s: confused about the abbreviations? go to the next post ;)

The weekend was great. no day dreaming, no obsession. Today is 7DPO and according to some websites there can be a shift in temp when implantation happens, between 6 and 12 DPO. So I'm observing that so closely. Although I know it can't prove anything and it's not even a real symptom, it happens for some people but not all.
Anyway, I woke up this morning and first thing checked my temp 2 times in a row. 0.3 deg more than yesterday. I was still in bed after 2 minutes I checked again. same as yesterday, no shift. weird right?
So I really don't know, but I'm going to see what happens tomorrow.
Also I found out that you can search through fertility friends' BBT charts and check the ones end up in pregnancy for example. it's never be the same for 2 people, but it can give an overview to see that not everyone has a implantation dip and so on.
There is another website that people sends their symptoms when they had a successful TTC. it's good to hear that there are loooots of people who feel nothing the first 6-7 days post ovulation. cause I have nothing either. I'm just craving more for food, but that's not new and I have a tender breast, which I always had before my AF. While I'm typing this I have a very faint pain in my lower right abdomen, but that can be either my imagination, or my IBS , cause I have that syndrome. So I decided to believe that nothing unusual is going on with me at this moment.